It’s been a quite a few years now since sex workers in Australia and parts of Europe have been required to pay taxes on their earnings. We’re free to interpret this any way we like. I suggest we look at this as a step up.

How would the advertising department at Virginia Slims handle this?

Two pictures of two different women. One photo is from the past; a destitute looking prostitute is standing underneath a red street light. There’s a scary looking pimp in the shadows. Everything is dark.

The next picture, everything is bright and sunny, but it’s hard to tell whether it’s indoors or outdoors. There’s a woman shaking hands with a man. There’s a cop in the background smiling. There’s no sign of a pimp, just a happy looking boss type person, standing in a doorway of sorts, obviously very impressed with the woman.

The woman has her head tilted back, like she just heard a really great joke. She’s got a Virginia Slim cigarette in her other hand.

The caption reads, “You’ve come a long way, baby”.

You must be tired.

From the wash tub all the way to the space shuttle. From Lady all the way to Grrrl. And now, from whore all the way to sex worker.

Continue Below.

Continued - Piscean Age

For thousands of years, it has been whore. In cuneiform inscriptions on clay tablets, on papyrus scrolls, ink on paper hot off the press, it has always been whore.

Why change it now?

We can’t help ourselves. It is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. From under the rubble of the Piscean age, the people stagger out and call for new terms. Humane Aquarius offers the market friendly term Sex Worker.

One small step for women and one huge leap for the tax man.

Tax time for Rosy the Happy Hooker

• Factor in fellatio for clients,
• deduct anti-biotics for infections,
• divide that by increased sales and transmittal diseases.

Turns out, sex worker, you blow...I mean, you owe!

Oh, kindly Aquarius save us from these soul crushing stigmatic terms, after all...

Game Show Host:
"For one hundred dollars answer the question, what's a whore?"

Contestant:
"What is, a saucy tart engaged in a leisurely activity."

Game Show Host:
"Ding! 10 points for you. Sex Worker?"

Contestant:
"What is, a conscientious female applying herself to a trade. Busting her ass to make ends meet!"

Game Show Host:
"Ding! 35 points off for the pun!"

--

Sex Worker has a nice ring to it. Makes me think, there’s something else waiting for these sex employees. In fact, it makes me think, why not me? Me, a sex employee, with my education, dedication and commitment to getting the job done and getting it done right, at the end of the week, my well-meaning pimp is sure to hang my picture on the wall with the caption, Sex Worker of the Month.

I'm a Leo, I have natural leadership qualities, no doubt, I will soon be moved up to manage the other sex wage earners. Soon enough with my gung-hoe attitude, I will be appointed the president of the sex rank and file. I will put the Pro back in prostitute.

Oh glory, this term Sex Technician can only lead to increased job security. Up to now, sex working has been the sort of profession where the longer you do it, the less valuable your technique becomes.

For instance, if I were a brain surgeon, my qualifications would grow with each operation.

'She's an old hand at this' would be a comforting phrase for my clients.

Seldom would my clients fantasize about the different types of neurosurgeons who could do the job instead of me.

Like that naughty French brain specialist on page 3, or the husky German neurologist on page 4, or maybe the petite Oriental sawbones listed in the other catalogue.

But wait, we can't forget the hottest health worker in town, the teenaged brain surgeon. Since, it will be her first time operating on a human head, it will cost more!

Many people have received gold watches for figuratively sucking dick for 25 years, but we have never publicly awarded the act itself.

In the sex industry, nobody will give you a gold watch for sucking dick for 25 years either. That's old hat. The sex industry awards the act in a public ceremony in France. The city of Cannes also hosts a porno film festival. I believe, it started out as a grassroots operation to celebrate art and then it just took off from there.

This branch of the sex industry will one day have to hand out life achievement awards. Every year, the world will gather to watch the Golden Prick Ceremonies.

Game Show Host:
"Lola Big Lips, you've been doing this since you were 14 and you're still going strong at 62. What a remarkable career you've had. You have gotten it where no woman has gotten it before. You have done it with objects no woman has done it with before. You have been an asset to this industry. I really mean that. If there's anybody in the industry that deserves this statue, it's you. Thank you for your hard work. Ha ha. Get it? Hard work?"

Lola Big Lips:
"I'd like to thank my mom, my dad, my family, God, and of course my fans. Hey guys, where would I be without you and satellite? I love you all. Last but not least, this big guy here, you don't know what this means to me. Oh, I know, I can put him in my next movie…see, like this."

Host:
"Ohhh, Lola Big Lips, off the stage! Follow the tall lady in the flimsy dress off the stage. How could you do that? You don't know where that award has been?"

--

Thinking about becoming a sex worker? Choose carefully, here in the Americas, a sex technician can turn on a video camera, have sex, get paid for it and even deduct expenses at the end of the year. But she can't just have sex and get paid for it. Because, then the act becomes dirty, filthy and indecent.

Good thing we made it illegal. Somebody has to videotape the event with the intention of distributing the video at a profit to redeem the act from dirt to art.

Someone knocks on a steamy car window.

Detective:
"This is Detective Malone what's going on in there?"

Lola:
"Nothing! We're just shooting an independent porno flick."

Detective:
"Constable, did she say indecent or independent porno flick?"

Constable:
"I think she said, independent porno flick."

Detective: (to Lola)
"Okay then, good luck. Let me know if you need any extras."

Lola:
"Leave your head shot officer."

"

Detective:
"Which Head? Ha ha! Get it? Ha ha!"

--

The law knows the difference between an indecent act and freedom of art.

~ The End ~

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